Supporting Others: Insights from Someone Who’s Been There
One of the questions I’m often asked is how to support someone who’s struggling with their mental health. Honestly, I find it hard to answer because, in my own journey, I’ve been the one needing support. Surely, there are others with the expertise and experience of walking alongside those in need.
And then this week I had a conversation with a friend and colleague Merle Massie, the new Executive Director of DoMoreAg. Merle certainly has the expertise as she has walked with and supported those that have struggled. She gave me 3 points that she has in mind when she finds herself in those situations and they resonated with me. With her permission I want to use them and build my own thoughts around them.
First and foremost, we need to park what we think we know. While this sounds straightforward, in practice, it can be profoundly challenging. I recognize that I carry with me a collection of beliefs and biases—formed through my experiences, shaped by my upbringing, and reinforced along my journey. These perspectives feel natural, even essential, to how I see the world. But should I impose them on others? Absolutely not.
Too often, I find myself realizing—sometimes painfully late—that while my understanding may hold some truth or relevance, it doesn’t always address the unique needs or circumstances of the person I aim to support. My preconceived notions become a barrier rather than a bridge. This not only undermines my ability to help but also prevents me from truly connecting with and understanding others in their own context.
Secondly, we need to activate our of curiosity. In my work, I often encourage people to transform judgment into curiosity, particularly when navigating conflicts. But this principle extends far beyond conflict resolution—it’s just as essential when it comes to supporting others.
Curiosity is a powerful tool. When we approach others with genuine interest and a desire to understand, we open the door to deeper connection and insight. It allows us to see beyond surface-level assumptions, to truly grasp what someone is experiencing or feeling. Through curiosity, we gain the ability to ask thoughtful questions, to listen without interruption, and to appreciate the unique perspectives and struggles of others.
This shift from judgment to curiosity isn’t always easy—it requires intention, humility, and a willingness to let go of our own narratives. But when we choose curiosity, we create space for empathy and understanding to flourish, enabling us to offer the kind of support that truly meets people where they are.
Thirdly, we need to strive to be a flashlight—illuminating the path for those who need help and guiding them where they are, not where we think they should be. Too often, I find myself defaulting to the role of a streetlight, shining brightly in one fixed spot and expecting those who are struggling to find their way to me. It’s a comforting notion to think that simply being available is enough, but in reality, it often isn’t.
This act of meeting someone where they are—of bringing the light to their darkness—requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to step into their world. It’s about being present and intentional, showing that they are not alone and that there’s a way forward, no matter how overwhelming the journey may seem.
I will never forget and will always be thankful for the day a neighbor did all of the above for me. I was in a dark place, not sure if the sun would ever shine for me again. He sat and listened to me that day. There was no judgement, he normalized and validated what I was saying and by doing that shone his flashlight on the path in front of me giving me the ability to move forward. I know it works. It may work for you as well. Make it a good one.
